Unit 3:
Role Functions:
As a kid
growing up i always felt it was my responsibility to help my mom
and dad around the house with chores and jobs. I helped my dad do
things outside while still helping my mom with chores inside.
I tried to balance both jobs so that i could help out both my parents
and weren't partial to one side.They helped me to be molded into the
man i am today by balancing both sides and being familiar with what
each does. Both my parents have had different roles their entire lives
though with raising me and my brother. After my mom had me she stayed
home with the kids and made sure to get us to school, practice, and
make supper. My dad made sure things were done around the house and
worked throughout the whole day to support us. I extend my kinship
maintenence by attending family gatherings at my girlfriends families
house. I see it as a challenge to interact with a extended netword and
learn new things. I enjoy these family gatherings and hope to continue
to make an impression on a new set of people.
Fitzpatrick's Couple Types:
I would choose my family to be Traditional.
According to Fitzpatrick's model, traditionals don't believe in change
and they continue to use standard rules and routines. For example, my
dad wears the same clothing and drives the same cars that he use to
have when he was younger. This is why i believe my family follows the
traditional type of family.
Gottman's Conflict Types:
We
are a validating type of family because we respect each others
viewpoints and new ideas. But if the family has new ideas or opinions
and the rest disagree then they try to comprise on the topic and get
past it.
Kantor and Lehr's Family Type:
Our
family type follows under the ideas and rules of a closed family. We
tend to use the same rules and routines that we have as long as i can
remember. Even though we have new ideas and situations at times we
still don't have much change. Therefore a closed family setting fits
our family perfectly and we will continue to be that way.
Family Reasearch Project
Choosing the area that I wanted to
interview was easy for me. I chose the family interview that is conducted with
three different family members because I’m fortunate enough to have great
grandparents still. I didn’t choose to do an interview with my great
grandparents though because unfortunately they have Alzheimer’s disease. I
instead chose my father, grandma, and brother. I used the five questions that
can be found on the syllabus along with my own variation of questions. Let me
begin by giving you a brief background about the family members that I
interviewed.
My
grandmother, Sandy Rager, was born in California, around San Diego, where she
lived until she was 16. At 16, she moved to Fort Wayne and went to Central
Catholic high school where she met my grandpa Joe Rager. The two got married at
the young age of 18 and 17 years old. They’ve lived in Fort Wayne since they
got married and they recently celebrated their 50th wedding
anniversary. My grandparents had three kids, my mom, aunt, and uncle. She worked
most of her life at St. Joe hospital as a receptionist and spent the rest of
her time raising her three children. When my mom passed away five years ago, my
grandmother has become my everything and new mother and I wouldn’t know what I
would do without her.
My
dad, Chris, was born and raised in Fort Wayne, Indiana. He and my mom had two
kids, my brother and I. He worked several years at Central Soya but has worked
at Raytheon, formally known as Magnavox, for thirty years. He was recently
remarried after my mom passed away five years ago. When he remarried he moved
with his wife, Robin, to Kendallville where they have a beautiful home on the
lake. He plans on living there for the rest of his life and live the lake life
to the fullest.
Craig,
my brother, was the last member of my family that I conducted an interview
about. He and his wife, Ruby, have been married for 6 years now. They recently
had their first child, Lincoln, a month ago. They currently live in Fort Wayne
where Craig is a CPA for BKD. Before BKD he worked at International as an
accounting. My brother is my best friend and after all the things we’ve been
through I don’t know what I would’ve done without him. He plans on one day
moving down south where the weather is warm all year long.
Different
families’ members all contribute in different ways. In my family my grandma is
considered the nurturing and caring individual who you can tell anything to. If
you have something on your mind that’s bothering you and you want someone to
talk to she is only a phone call away. According to Sandy’s definition of her
role, “I’m here for my kids, grandkids, or friends that need someone to talk to
and get things off their chest.” When you go to lunch or to the store with my
grandma she is always talking to someone because everyone knows her. That’s
what my family loves about her, her caring and heavy heart with every
individual. I would compare my brother to my grandma but in a different way. My
brother has a different attitude than her but they care in the same way. He
likes to take care of family and friends by being there if they need anything
but doesn’t speak with just random people. He said that he likes to take care
of friends, family, and co-workers but doesn’t compare to my grandma in terms
of caring for everyone.
My
dad in contrast though is a family provider and isn’t big on the emotional side
of things. My dad said that he has to be tough and play the rule as the
provider and be strong so that nobody see’s a weakness in our family. I’ve
never seen my father cry or get upset except for when everything happened to my
mom. I’ve never had the fear of being in trouble financial when I’m around my
father because I know that he will help me when I’m in need. His role is
probably the most important to our family because without him we wouldn’t have
the things that we have.
When
I asked the three interviewees questions about our family I covered topics that
I had questions about. These included things that they felt were important,
wrong, and topics we talk about when together. When I asked each person about
topics that are discussed when the family is together, they all agreed on a
couple things: don’t talk about politics or religion. They are two topics that
seemed to be agreed on for the simple fact that they know they will create
arguments. My grandma and brother both agreed that it’s items that they like to
talk about but not when everyone is together. These topics from my own
experience can create arguments, fights, or controversy. I like to compare my
family to a bunch of lawyers because they like to argue but we all know that’s
all in fair game.
There
are usually funny stories that always seem to come up in our family. When I
asked my brother and my dad what their family story was, it was the crab apple
story. My uncle took me and my brother to the park one day and had us eat crab
apples, after that he spun us around until we were sick and it seems to get
brought up every time the family is together. My grandma agreed that was a
story that gets brought up but that isn’t the one that she thought of. For her
it was when the grandkids were throwing the ball in the house and her vase got
broken. Instead of one of the grandchildren admitting to it they all had
different sides of the story and blamed it on me. To this day nobody is really
sure who did it but I know who it was, me unfortunately. These two stories
aren’t serious but instead funny and I think that’s what describes our family
the most, a comical family.
There
were a few rituals that were generally consistent when conducting the
interviews. They all said that prayer was a huge ritual at every get together.
Before every meal or holiday in which we get together, it’s a ritual for my
uncle to conduct a prayer to give thanks for food and what we have as a family.
Another strict ritual that my family follows is to always get together for
every holiday. These days everyone has their own responsibilities and lives but
we still have to get together for the major holidays. My grandma said that it’s
upsetting because the grandkids are always busy and it’s hard to make plans.
With some grandkids living out of town and my brother having a newborn, it’s
becoming a challenge to keep up with that ritual. Rituals are a major part of
my families’ lives and we need to follow these in order to be as close as we
once were.
My
family has always been a strict Catholic family and even though religion isn’t
talked about when we’re together, we all know what religion we are. The
conflict that everyone remembers was probably the biggest conflict amongst our
family. When my uncle decided he was going to leave the Catholic Church and
start going to a small Christian church, conflicts arose. According to my
grandma, “It really hurt me when he left the Catholic Church and even though I
was upset at first I soon realized that he’s my son and I need to accept his
religion.” It was a turning point in our family because it used everyone’s
effort to accept change in our family. It still seems as if there is tension in
air when that topic arises. Everyone in our family needs to be accepting of
changes and understand that certain things are the same for everyone. I believe
this should almost be a rule that my family should follow: being accepting to
new ideas.
After
conducting the interviews and learning about stories and issues that my family
thought about, I’ve learned a few new things. First, I think the older
generations view the younger generations as equals. This means that they
actually take our thoughts into consideration and don’t look down upon us. In
the past they used to think that we didn’t know what we were talking about but
now with further education, we’re getting our points across. Another thing that
I noticed was that each generation agreed or said the same stories that I felt
about the question. For example, when my grandma said that the story about the
vase and grandkids was the story that she remembers the most, it shocked me. It
shocked me because I felt that story was one of the top three stories among our
family. Therefore, those types of things intrigued me the most when talking to
the three.
I
knew before conducting the interviews that my brother and I were going to have
similar answers because like I said before, he’s my best friend. I was also
surprised by how much the three of them agreed upon the questions even though I
conducted them separately. This shows me that our family thinks alike and has
similar thoughts. Families can have their ups and downs but I think my family
has the mindset that we’ll be together forever through think and thin. I love
my family and everything they’ve done for me and I thank them doing these
interviews with me.
Unit 4
Craig Teetsel
- Normative Resources- Craig
felt as if he used normative resources the most out the three listed.
He felt that we were raised by our parents to live a normal life and
nothing out of the ordinary. The example in the book said that mother's
have the power in managing the children's day-to-day activities, this
is something along the lines to what he felt he would do. He felt that
the father or husband should be the provider of his family, while the
mother should be able to take care of the children for an example.
- Economic Resources
- Cognitive Resources- Cognitive
resources is wht he felt was the most successful of all three resources
though. He said that he felt cognitive resources can have a way to
persuade or influence others. This would be like the example in the
book of the family member knowing who to go to get what they want.
Cognitive resources is a way to get what you want, when you want it,
and also a way to accomplish tasks and goals.
Family Oriention
I
would say that my family is a conversion oriented family. The reason
for this is because of all my family members, all familyes live under
one roof and have their own place and the parents have atleast two or
more children. Also a conversion family have two or more members that
share common values and norms and my family share that goal. I think
this type of orientation fits my family at this point and i think it
will continue that way. My family believes in being with their partner
til death do them part and becaue of this they will continue to share
goals and norms and help support each other.
Unit 5
The death of my mother five years ago
It
affected the family for several years. When it first happened for me
personally i thought about not going to college because it was too hard
for me at that time. My brother was also moving out on his own and he
comteplated if he should since he felt as if it would upset the family
even more. I think it affected everyone but it has only made us
stronger as a family and as individuals. Historically, holidays,
birthdays, and the date in which it happened are extremely hard. My
family usually trys to all get together and do something so that it
gets things off our minds.
Horizontal Stressor
I'd say
this would fall under a horizontal stressor. This means that your upset
throughout the process but there was nothing you could do about it. The
example i use is a father seeing his only son go off to college, he's
upset but he knows that its something he has to accept. I feel the same
way, i'm upset it happended and i wish she was still here but there was
nothing that i could do for her.
Stages
I'd
say that we experienced all the stages of the model. We experienced
shock because even though she was in the hospital when it happened it
seemed as if she was getting better and was going to go home soon. We
experienced recoil because they moved her from Lutheran Hospital to St.
Joe Hospital and after that things seemed to take a turn for the worse.
We blamed the doctors and hospitals for moving her and not taking as
much care for her at St. Joe Hospital. Depression then set in and it
was hard for all of us to get over it. Even though we'll never get over
it, there were months when it was extremely hard to deal with the pain.
Finally, reorganization occured when we realized that she wouldn't want
us to be upset and would want us to move on with our lives.
Levels
The
only level that i could really see that was used would be level 3.
After she passed some family members made different decisions in their
lives, including me who decided to go to college after all. The other
two levels don't really seem as if they were being used.
Unit 6
Floorplan
I live in a
house with two other roommates but it's just a small one story house.
It consists of 3 bedrooms and two baths with a living room, kitchen,
and dining room. The communication in the house is good at some points
and bad in others. When there is a sporting event on, all us usually
sits in the living room and watch the game and socialize with one
another. But if there is something that we all want to watch different
then the communication is bad. We each go into our rooms and watch what
we want on our own tv's. The floorplan allows for a lot of
communication though because it is a smaller house. We normally are
running into each other at one point in the day and at that point we
normally talk about what is going on.
Furnishings and Decor
As
said in the previous section, electronics are what affects
communication the most in our household. If we all want to watch the
same thing then it's good but if we don't then it's bad. Also I
have the XBox 360 in my room so if I want to play that then I have to
go in the other room and play and at that point i'm not communicating.
We do have two sofas in the living room though and we have lots of
people over it's not enough for everyone so some have to sit on the
floor. At times that has been me and instead of sitting there I will go
in my room and watch the game on my comfortable bed. Therefore
that can affect our communication at times also.
Boundries
We don't have
many boundries set throughout the residence. We used to have a fence in
the backyard that used to block people from coming in our backyard but
we took that down and now it's completely open. Within the household we
also don't have many boundries that we've come up with.
Family Environment
I'd
probably say that me and my roommates live by the isomorphic fit. In
the book it uses the quote, " We work hard and we play hard." I would
say we live by that saying, we all work and go to school and we also
work hard around the house to keep it clean and neat. We all have
seperate rooms but we aren't seperated in our rooms because we normally
watch things together and communicate together except for the
occasional TV show that we'd like to watch in our rooms. We're all
close friends so we're there for each other if anything happens or we
need help. Therefore, i'd say that we fit under the isomorphic
environment. "WE STICK TOGETHER!"
Final Project
First Change I Would Make
I
feel as if
my family is extremely close but recently it seems like we've been
extremely distant. Before the passing of my mother our family received
phone called and had invites to relatives houses. Since then it seems
as if we've fall farther apart and the family doesn't even celebrate
holidays together. According to our textbooks on page 18,
"Togetherness refers to times when couples simply spend time being
together, such as walks after dinner" (Galvin, Bylund & Brommel,
2008) It seems as if my family has lost those times together though,
especially dinner because the only time we all get together is
Christmas.
Reasons For Lack of Togetherness and Recommendations:
- Communication- As
said earlier i felt that my family lacks communication because of the
no communication whether it be by phone or visit. It also seems as if
certain family members talk negatively about others when their not
around. I remember the quote that Janine Klingenburger said in unit 2
about her experience with her family, her and her husband told their
kids if they don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at
all. (Klingenburger, 2008)
- Family Traditions- Secondly,
i feel that family traditions are lacking and they need to be
reconstructed to renew our family chemistry. That's what made why
family so close and what were lacking at this point.
- Currencies- Currencies are used to make direct statements. According
to page 123, "each currency must be considered within the contexts of
gender, ethnicity, class, and development stages. I think that I need
to inform my other family members about the currencies so that it will
give satification to everyone involved. After looking at table 5.1 on
page 123, i see that my family members don't share affection in the
ways that the book says. By sharing affection the way that the authors
demonstrate in the book it will bring collectiveness back to the family
and allow for a sense of togetherness.
Second Change I Would Make
Yes,
I know that the house is huge and rediculous and I'm not to able to
move in but I need a change in my home setting. When my dad decided to
get married and move to Kendallville I had to find a quick change and
that's the reason why i moved in with two roommates. The problem that i
have with having two roommates is adjusting to their habits and getting
used to limited boundries. According to page 41 of the text, "the
boundry of a system is what seperates it from its environment" (Galvin,
Bylund & Brommel, 2008). After looking at some of my groups
webpages, Tim Nettrouer seemed to the be the floor plan or boundry i
liked the most. His home consists of 3 levels including an unfinished
basement.
Advantages of Having More Boundries:
- Having
extended boundries can help for less conflict because of space. I found
that having smaller boundries can lead to conflict because your around
the same people at all times. If a conflict arises though in larger
boundries it allows for the residents to go to a different part of the
house to cool down before confronting the person.
- Allows
for the residents to have better and more posessions. Even though this
isn't always true because not everyone can afford the posessions but in
my own mind if you can afford a house that big then you can afford the
posessions.
Disadvantages of Having More Boundries:
- Having more boundries requires more upkeep and the possibility of more headaches.
Third Change I Would Make
I'd like to reduce my amount of nagging to my family and friends. Not
only would i like to reduce my amount of nagging but it also seems as
if i get into confrontations with others because I like to debate about
subjects. According to page 199 of the Family Communication book,
"nagging is a form of persistent persuasion that involves a persuader
repeating him or himself rather than escalating to a more aggressive
persuasive strategy" (Galvin, Bylund & Brommel, 2008). I was
reviewing other peoples webpages when coming up with research for my
family project and i agree with several of the points made by Erin
Griffith (2008). It seemed as several of the points she made regarding
nagging was exactly the same way that i felt when speaking to my family
and friends. I also looked at the family research project constructed
by Nathan Houser and he said that they had open discussions about
topics. Nathan said, "I believe having open communication is important
for families to grow and trust each other" (Houser, 2008)
Reasons Why I Tend To Nag and How To Improve
- As
said before i like to debate with people about topics. I don't believe
that this is a bad thing but i feel as if i need to limit it. If i
limit the amount of comments i make then it will help to reduce nagging
that can lead to arguments and fights.
- Nagging
can also lead to positive results. For example, when a mother continues
to nag her son/daughter to clean their room, they eventually will do
it. If the mother continues to nag then its possible that the child
will finish their work before getting nagged by their mother the next
time because they probably won't want to hear it.
- I
believe that I also nag because I always want to get the last word in
before ending a conversation. I relate this to my competitiveness in
sports or any activity in general, I always want to win. That seems as
if it carries over to conversations because if it's a debate about a
specific topic, i want to win it. This can cause the family member i'm
conversing with to get upset because they seem as if i'm cocky or
arrogant. I need to give others a chance to voice their opinion without
interupting and then after they are finished tell them why i agree or
disagree.
Conclusion
If
i accomplish these changes then i think i will be a better person
overall. It will help reduce conflict and disagreements that i have
with others with conversing specifically with family members. I love
each one of my family members but i would also like to be closer to
them and that's where the togetherness as a family comes into play. I
also want to extend my boundies so that I can more independent on my
own. First i need to finish school and that has only taken me six years
because i changed my major after my junior year. I'm going to try my
hardest to accomplish my goals because i know if i put my mind towards
it then i can accomplish anything.